prayer coach

image courtesy of Adam Jones

The book of Genesis tells of two drastically different men: one who had to work hard to get anything he wanted; the other seemed to have things fall into his lap. It is interesting that the former was father of the latter. More interestingly, how do we become like the latter?

These two men were Jacob and Joseph. Jacob is well known as being a striver. He connives his brother out of his birthright and cons hims out of his blessing. He runs away for fear of him and then gets conned into working 14 years for Rachel. The tragedy of Jacob’s life is more than the difficulties that arise, you get the impression from Jacob that he feels alone in the world. Even when he left working for his father-in-law, he leaves under deception.

Joseph, on the other hand, had much greater difficulties arise against him. The tragedy that befalls Joseph may make some balk at my earlier statement of having things fall into his lap. However, no matter what hardships arose, Joseph met each of them with success.

What I noticed about these two men that was significantly different was the way that each of them was raised. Jacob was raised by Isaac who favored Esau over him. Joseph was raised by Jacob who favored him above each of his 11 brothers. Joseph knew the love of his father, which brought special attention, favors, and gifts. Jacob felt overlooked by his father and had to trick him to get attention, favors, and gifts.

This year I read Danny Silk’s Loving Our Kids on Purpose on my wife’s recommendation. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and quickly decided it is my favorite parenting book out there. I liked it so much that I reread it and created a Bible Study to go along with it. Here are some of my takeaways.

Most of us have had no real training on parenting besides the on-the-job training once kids enter our world. Most of the advice people offered us was warnings about how hard it would be: boys are wild and girls will break your heart – just you wait. Even if we decide not to accept that reality, once we try parenting we become quickly surprised how much of it involves spanking, punishment, or just plain frustration.

This book will open you to a whole new perspective. Silk pulls from his personal experience, professional training, and principles from Scripture. He matches our goals in parenting up to what drives the Father’s heart for His children. This book will identify the Father’s heart for His children and tactics that can open your child to live out of them.

I would break this book down to the following subjects:

• Chapter 1a: Parenting Free Children
• Chapter 1b: Relinquishing Your Right to Control
• Chapter 2:   Building Relationship Through Consistent Love
• Chapter 3:   Managing Yourself Well
• Chapter 4:   Promoting Healthy Choices
• Chapter 5:   Enforcing Consequences to Choices

If I were to distill this book into some main points, they would be:

Love allows for freedom and choice.
Choices have consequences.
Our connection is more important than their obedience.

This Sunday is Father’s Day, which is a natural time to think about the importance of our dads. In my family this has actually been a topic of discussion for awhile. When my wife’s parents divorced in her early teens, her father went MIA for many years. As she goes through healing of the hurts this caused her, we are learning together more deeply why we need a father.

1. Provision

It is the role of the father to make sure the family has what they need. He is responsible for making sure there is food on the table, the family has a place to lay their heads, and everyone has clothes on their backs. The father is the one who tears down any worry about needs being met.

2. Protection

The father projects security to his children. He makes the home and thus the world a safe place. Fear is rejected in the father’s presence.

3. Play

The father is the tickler. He makes the family laugh. He teaches that the world is to be enjoyed, and that you are enjoyable.

4. Purpose

The father speaks life into his children. He lets them know they are important and significant. He calls them to something bigger than themselves. He gives them the challenge to make a difference in the world, as he has made a difference in their world.

5. Support

Not only does the father call you into greatness, but he believes you have what it takes for greatness. In fact, he knows you can do it. He prepares you as an overcomer and sets you up for success.

I know many of you did not have a father like this, but you have a Heavenly Father who is all these perfectly. Our earthly father can enhance our view of God the Father, and God can redeem all that our earthly fathers lacked.

This week my youngest daughter expressed interest in the cross. My wife felt God’s leading to make the gospel personal for her, and she eagerly asked Jesus into her heart. When she did, my oldest daughter excitedly declared that she was the same age when Jesus came into her heart. as you can imagine, I am very happy for the girls. But, what do I do now?

It seems that too many people focus so much on the event of salvation that there is no plan for what to do afterward. This would be a big problem for my family, because both girls have come to salvation at such a young age. I have at least another 14 years of them in my house, and we have already reached that desired goal.

As important as that decision was for my daughters, my work is not done. That decision was merely the first step to my ultimate goal for both of them.

I pray that my daughters will never know a time they didn’t love and trust Jesus, God, and Holy Spirit.

That decision this week is amazing because both girls were three when they made that decision. Now my wife and I will continue to do what we were doing. Our goals are not different. We just saw significant progress; we did not see completion. We will continue to pray with our girls, read them the Bible, allow their hearts to connect with Jesus, dance, worship, etc. We will continue to allow them to see us pursuing God.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp is one the best books I have read on parenting. So many books on parenting are focused on getting your kids to act right. Tripp looks at the root causes of disobedience and allows them to be the focus of parenting.

So often we judge how well we are doing with God by our behavior. Have we stayed clean this week? God is more focused on our heart than our behavior. The law says do not commit murder, but I say… The law say do not commit adultery, but I say… Jesus wants us to know that it is not a matter of just doing the right things, but He wants our hearts. As parents we so easily get sidetracked with our kid’s behavior instead of heart issues.

This book helps provide a balanced focus on our parenting. It identifies some common methods of parenting and how they don’t address the heart issues. Oftentimes these other methods draw our children further from God. This book is a great topic for group discussion. I have attached a Bible study that I used for a parents of preschoolers class below. I strongly encourage this to be a must read for parents.

• Shepherding a Child’s Heart Bible Study (PDF)

St Paul’s Church of Auckland, New Zealand created a beautiful video of children retelling the Christmas story. They have the children playing all the parts except the donkey, which I thought was an amazing touch. Enjoy.

via Church Marketing Sucks

Lately my oldest daughter had been refusing to ask God for help. She is young but has always loved Jesus and the Bible. My wife and I have tried to reason with her about how important it is to go to God for help and she would just go ballistic, completely out of character for her.

Some of the tactics we have tried have been to assure her of God’s love. He is not mad with her when she needs help. He loves her so much and loves to see her coming to Him.

Another is to help her know that she is not too insignificant for God. He cares about her so much that He will come to her every need. But, He can’t help her if she would let Him. He wants the invite. (O, I know God can do whatever He wants, but we can’t count on the rescue if we are holding Him at bay).

Another is to reassure her of His response. He will not get angry at her for her mistakes. Every bit of disappoint or anger He may have ever had with us was put on Jesus at the cross. He has no anger left for us. He looks at us with love. You can come to Him with confidence.

The other day we were going over this again with her and she just retreated into a ball on the couch. We recognized that what was going on was beyond just her lack of understanding. She was being attacked by an evil spirit.

As her parents and spiritual authority, we took authority over the spirit and told it to leave. This was not an exorcist moment as the media often displays, but more like when a cop asks you for your driver’s license. There is no yelling or anger. You do it because both of you know he has authority.

Earlier this week I shared what I learned from saying night-time prayers with my youngest daughter. I thought it was only fair to share something from the oldest. As she has gotten older I have added more things to our routine. Lately I have been praying Paul’s prayer for her as found in Ephesians 3:16-19. (If you are interested we did the Lord’s Prayer for a year than migrated to this to add variety.)

Here are some things this practice has taught me:

1. I have learned how important it is to pray Scripture over my children. It is broadening out my prayers for the girls more than what I naturally would think on my own.
2. I am reminded how important a routine is for kids. If I feel like it is late and try to skip this part of the prayers, she lets me know.
3. I have also realize how little I valued this as effective prayer by wanting to skip it when I’m in a hurry.
4. I have learned how important this time of night-time prayers and this particular prayer routine is in teaching my children love of the Bible and learning what it says.
5. I like how in this passage we are reminded that my ability to dwell in love is tied to knowing the depth of God’s love.
6. I like the reminder that love is tied to faith not knowledge.
7. I like how praying this passage each day has embedded it deeper into my own heart.

What are some ways you pray with your kids?