prayer coach

image of Luke Sankey in prayer

The common thought is it takes 21 days to form a habit. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this through high school youth groups to parenting training. If you can just stick with something for 21 days you will form a habit, then everything will be easier.

While it is true that repetition creates momentum, habits cannot form if we don’t really want them. I recently read a review of The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg that simplified the process down to three steps.

“In order to build a habit you need to create a Cue, a Routine, and a Reward.”
- Charles Duhigg

The cue is the thing to remind you to do something. For instance if you want to start exercising, you may place your running shoes by the bed so it reminds you when you wake up to go for a run. Or, you can set up an appointment with a buddy to meet at the gym. The cue is the thing to be that personal reminder to do the habit you want to create.

The routine is the habit itself. This can be any habit you want to create. To be more precise, the routine is what you do in order to accomplish the habit you want to create.

The reward is what you want to get out of the habit. Using the exercise example, maybe the reward is a new pair of pants or running in a certain event. The reward is the motivation for creating the habit.

image source unknown

One of the scariest times for a Christian is when they cannot hear the voice of God. Jesus lived His life doing whatever He saw the Father doing (John 5:19). As Jesus’ followers we are to have the same closeness of relationship. And yet, we doubt our ability to hear God. We cling to the Bible for our security, but the Bible doesn’t tell us what career to go into, which house to buy, who to marry, etc. Life is full of decisions and full of trials that we need the constant companionship of the Spirit to get us through.

I have been thinking a lot on this lately as I have tried to come to grips with this current stage in my life. I’m desperate for God’s voice, but I keep floundering about what my next step should be. Jesus said that His sheep would hear His voice, and whoever belongs to God would hear His voice (John 10:27 and 8:47). Hearing God’s voice should be as natural to a believer as taking a breathe. It’s necessary. A quick read of the first half of Joshua also reveals plenty of example of our need to hear God’s voice.

Why is it hard for most Christians to hear God’s voice then? To attempt to answer this I am going to look at a section from Chronicles of Narnia, The Magician’s Nephew. After I quote the passage I will explain.

Most of us if we are honest with ourselves, know that we are lacking in love. We may have the ability to love those who love us, but somewhere between that and our enemies we falter. This is not to discourage us, but just to show us we need supernatural help to fulfill what God has asked of us. We need God’s assistance to be able to love.

How do we pray for love?

The first thing to remember is that we love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). Any trouble we have in loving is directly tied to a lack of experience with God’s love for us.

• God open my heart to receive more love from you. Make me aware of what may be blocking my ability to receive from you.

The second thing to help you is to know that fear is the opposite of love (1 John 4:18). Your inability to love is directly related to an area of fear in your life. Are you afraid that person will hurt you, take too much of your time, or make you be someone you are not? Or, are you afraid that God will not take care of you?

image courtesy of Passion

Anyone can have faith when things are going well. The Christian community has just finished all of their Christmas/Winter/New Year conferences where thousands of believers joined together to worship and encourage one another. Hope was distilled and people send home flying high what God can do through them. Now many are back home and are struggling how to put feet to the declarations they made just a few days ago.

Life gets tough. Your past will try to pull you back into your former lifestyle. None of this discounts conferences because they can be wonderful life-changing experiences. However, how do you remember what God has taught you later when you need it? How can you remember that excitement for the Lord in your everyday life? Even more, how do you remind yourself of God’s goodness when you are really struggling?

The best answer is relationships! You were not created to be alone. You were not even created to only you and Jesus. You need the body. Adam had the perfect setup-he got to stroll the garden walking with God. Even so, God said it wasn’t good for him not to have another human around. You need people.

David when he was running away from Saul got severely depressed. You can read some of the Psalms and see his struggles. On one particular occasion, Jonathon went and found him to help David find his strength in the Lord. he reminded David of the promises of God toward him, and he reminded David of his own commitment to David (1 Samuel 23:15-18).

You need people in your life that will keep pointing out to you what God thinks of you and will keep affirming their commitment to you. Let us continue to encourage each other daily (Hebrew 10:24-25). Speak life in each other.

Presentation in the Temple by Lodovico Carracci

Kids young and old are currently finishing up their Christmas lists. Growing up, I would look through the big catalogs and circle things I wanted. It would end up being a giant wishlist which rarely included things I REALLY wanted. Now that I’m older, the list is shrinking. This year I would like three things: an iPad, a trip to Italy, and my house paid off.

What is it you really want to get this Christmas? Is it merely a passing whim or a strong desire? What are you actively seeking out? I believe God is looking for people who know what they want.

The Christmas story tells of at least two such people—Simeon and Anna (Luke 2:22-40). They gave themselves to God. Simeon held to the promise of seeing the Messiah before dying, and Anna worshiped the Lord night and day, fasting and praying for close to 60 years. God honored these two by allowing them to see the baby Jesus and gave them as examples to us.

In this world there are many things that can call for your attention. Most of them have no inherant evil. Simeon and Anna made a conscious decision to deny some acceptable choices in order to go after the one thing they really wanted. I believe God is desiring the same from us.

While the desire for Jesus is commendable, 24/7 prayer vigils is not God’s call for everyone. What are the passions God has put on your heart? Do you want to help boys to grow into manhood? Women free of fear? Communities transformed? New businesses created? Find your desire and pursue it. Pray about it. Listen for God’s heart about it. Research it. Find people of with similar interests. And, take steps to see it fulfilled.

I am often amazed how I seemingly lucked out in marriage. The things I most appreciate in my wife; I had no idea to look for them while I was dating. I knew I wanted a wife who would love Jesus, but I didn’t count on me getting a rockstar. Yes, I wanted a wife I thought was pretty, but I didn’t know she would keep getting prettier each year. When I think about it, I know that God set me up to get more than I could even ask or imagine. How did this happen?

I think there are two reasons: 1. Find the right person. 2. Allow them to become the right person. I will address these as two separate posts.

How do you find the right person?

There is no guarantee that you will ever make a right pick. This keeps many people from even wanting to get married. The real thing to keep in mind with regards to marriage is to trust God in the process. He created marriage and intends it to be a blessing to you. Marriage can be the most wonderful thing you ever do, but you will have to work at it. So, before even getting started, here are some things to pray through in order to find the right spouse.

1. Lord, help me to know myself and live out of who you created me to be.

This should be your first prayer because you cannot truly be one with your spouse if you are not living from who you are. Choose not to trick someone into liking you be becoming someone different than yourself. That’s a recipe for disaster. You want to find someone who loves you for who you are, and you can’t find that person if you are not willing to be yourself. Trust what God says about you. “All My works are wonderful!” You are amazing, and as people get to know the real you, you will find that one person choose to focus on your amazing qualities.

“God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours.” – David Livingstone

I came across this quote from David Livingstone in a book I was reading today. Immediately, it reminded me of a conversation with my wife almost 10 years ago. We were at that time missionaries in the Middle East (although they did not know this because of their view that missionaries were some branch of the US government).

We were coming to the end of the year there and were deciding whether or not we were going to return for another year. I was up for it, but my wife had a very hard year. You can only imagine how difficult it is to be a women in a society that treats them less than human. Not all men over there were like that, but it was ingrained in their society and as an intercessor my wife felt it often.

Through this discussion about what we were going to live the follow year, and I said, “I will be happy anywhere in the world as long as I am with you.” I don’t know if I had fully thought that through before it came out, or if it was just unearthed through the discussion, but it was and still is most definitely true.

My wife is my family, my best friend, and my constant source of support. I love her like I never knew what about love before. And, at this point of my life she was even more important to me than God. That summer we were separated. That position I held her at was to heavy for her to carry. She could not be my God, nor did she want to be.

I just got back from my summer vacation to Disney World. It was a blast as the kids were the perfect age to start enjoying some of the rides and characters. While there we joined up with my parents and my mother-in-law which was a great for them to be a part of their granddaughters’ experiences of Disney. However, it quickly became clear that my wife and I had different approaches to Disney than they did.

My wife downloaded an iphone app that showed wait times for each ride. Therefore we knew that the Peter Pan ride and the Winnie the Pooh ride had the longest wait times for the rides the girls wanted to go on. Therefore we made a beeline for them to get fast passes right away. My mother-in-law was content to live vicariously through us-where ever we wanted to go. My mom was willing to follow us as long as she could stop along the way to trade pins. My dad secretly desired to ride the wild rides but compliantly followed the lead of the group.

People similarly approach prayer with different approaches. Some people have it so planned out that they tend to miss the spontaneous encounters with God. Others don’t have a plan and try to live off other’s experiences. Some pray solely for the benefits, while others desire the fullness of God but decide to stay in the shallow in so not to be too different than others.

I am not trying to put my family into any particular box; I’m just setting up how people can get a better prayer life. You may prefer exploring prayer for yourself, follow the success of others who your admire, or make up a plan. Whatever works for you. Here are 7 tips that you can add to your prayer map to help you know where you want to go.